Change is inevitable.....

I have this urge to blog........I need some release. I don't have much to say, just random thoughts.

So the other night I was driving home from Wal-Mart ( I almost hate to admit I shop there) and I started thinking about the lines on the road. Whether yellow, dotted, white, single or double, we are taught to stay in the lines when driving. Isn't it funny how we are taught to stay in the lines throughout our whole lives. Whether its the lines in our coloring books, the lines we form in school so our teacher can keep track of us, the lines on the road or keeping in line by not bothering anyone and being polite........I don't know, maybe I have too much time to think.......

Another thing I realized is the fear of change. I was watching a tv program tonight and there were 4 different people each with a different profession being interviewed. A psychologist, interior designer, surgeon, and a personal trainer. I noticed that the one thing they all had in common was the fact that they deal with people who want to change, but may be afraid to. A psychologist makes you change your mental comfort, an interior designer changes your surrounding comfort, and the surgeon and personal trainer both change your eating comforts and physical comfort. And they all change your outlook and aspects that make up your life. Why are we so afraid of change? Just yesterday someone told me that not all change is bad, but sometimes it's really hard to believe. Then again, is it the fear of change, or the fear of admitting that something's not working and maybe we were wrong that bothers us. Or maybe its admitting that yes, we do have flaws. But how are you to improve your life if you don't know what's wrong? I dont' believe you can..........its simply learning from your mistakes, or maybe not just mistakes. Learning from the good and wanting to keep it that way. Knowing when change is good.....

Delicious Ambiguity......

I'm so confused.........I'm 23 and still boggled by men. You'd think I would have learned a little by now. Ok, I have, but its mostly who to avoid. It seems each new boyfriend I have is better than the last, but somethings always off. Well, now I'm single with no one tying me down, not one person who's on my mind all the time. Maybe a couple, but not seriously. I just don't know what to do.........haven't you ever wanted someone you can't have? I read somewhere that this was actually your soulmate; someone with whom you could never seem to work it out with. I don't know if I believe that. If that was so, are they going to be in your life forever? I thought some of my exes were my soulmates, but seeing as though we don't talk anymore, what does that mean? Lessons learned and shared memories are all you have, they're not soulmates anymore, just distant thoughts in the back of your mind. I don't know, I just wish there was a way.......

Besides that, I'm discovering the discouraging and overwhelming aspect of being a design student. I got my first project back in my interior design class and was very disappointed. Not a good way to start out, but I know in my heart this is what I need and want to do. On the other hand, its amazing how you start to discover new interests in the one your putting so much work into. I'm increasingly beginning to become intriqued by green design and designing to better not only your environment you live in, but the environment we're all surrounded by. Maybe I'm a hopeless tree hugger..........at least thats what I've been told, but I think I just need to get through this semester before I start thinking about anything long term right now. I've learned that planning your life is almost pointless in some ways; something always comes up and you take a different course. Right now I'm just trying to get through the day to day.........

LYLAS

I remember when I met my best friend. Jr. high cheerleading during practice after school. She gave me her phone number and that night I called her. Ten years later, I still remember sitting in the computer chair at my house in the kitchen and talking to her about school, other girls on the squad, and other teenage stuff. She had beautiful blond hair, cupids bow lips and perfect skin; quite the opposite of my braces, thick glasses and dirty brown hair. But soon after that I stayed overnight at her house and we laughed all night and I knew in my heart we would be best friends forever.

The years went by with late nights planning our lives according to our teenage ideals of what our future should be like. We learned a lot, drank a lot, and stayed inseparable. We had a rough patch, but thats just life.

Luckily, last summer we became even closer by shared crises in our lives. We reconnected with pain, but now find comfort in our relationship. We don't not have to be inseparable like we once were, but are not afraid of distance bacause we know we have a bond like none other.

Recently, my best friend found out she has some problems that may not go away. It amazing how people can be brought together by bad news - I suppose its the good that comes from the bad. If not for our problems we experienced in the past year, we may not be as close as we are now. We would still feel that rough patch. Now I can say we're going through another rough time, but we are doing it together and I'll be with her all the way. I can't pass her notes in the hall anymore or have lunch with her everyday like we used to, but I can support her and love her.......what else are friends for?